


The Possibilities

by yeuxbleusmortels



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Sex, Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-Break Up, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 16:43:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16896258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeuxbleusmortels/pseuds/yeuxbleusmortels
Summary: Beyond didn't think of any possibilities after that ugly breakup with Light roughly two years ago, dramatically in the middle of the night at a park where it rained down on the both of them, leaving him pathetically soaked down to his feet as he watched Light disappear inch by inch from his sight.





	The Possibilities

**Author's Note:**

> idek if people read this pair but here i am jdjsj 
> 
> don't mind my english, i'm not a native speaker and this is a word vomit so there may be mistakes

Beyond didn't think of any future possibilities after that ugly breakup with Light roughly two years ago, dramatically in the middle of the night at a park where it rained down on the both of them, leaving him pathetically soaked down to his feet as he watched Light disappear inch by inch from his sight.  
  
What was there to think of? The future he never even planned with his ex dissipated from the tips of his fingers as he plunged that needle under his skin and let the intravenous drug surge through his bloodstream. Intrusive thoughts stopped for a moment, until the high wore off and he was back to staring up the ceiling of his room, mulling over the what ifs.  
  
What if he cared enough? What if he didn't fuck it up? What if he loved Light enough for him not to leave?  
  
But he didn't care enough. He loved Light, but not enough for him to stop his self-destruct and eventually ruin the precious gem he only learned to appreciate when it was already gone from his hold.  
  
It was hard. He had been taking heroin even before he met Light. It was hard to break old habits for new ones that he knew would only be temporary.  
  
Light was good, too good for him. Beyond took advantage of the goodness Light promised him. Light was perfect; annoyingly perfect to the point that Beyond fought numerous urges of hurting him, breaking him just to see him cry, to prove that Light wasn't perfect. He fought them to the best of his abilities, until he couldn't any more and he gave in. Light got damaged and wouldn't fix himself for Beyond. He got sick of it. He left.  
  
After everything he had done to Light, not once did he even hope for the other to come back. Light wouldn't bat an eye, wouldn't spare him a glance even if he begged  on his knees on a scorching summer day because Light was intelligent, he knew what's best for him, he knew what he deserved. And that's not Beyond. Light made a mistake once, settling for less, allowing himself to be swayed by filthy whispers and momentary bliss. And he wouldn't commit the same mistake twice.  
  
So yeah, he never really thought of possibilities such as meeting Light again because he knew the latter would do everything in his power not to cross paths with the druggie ex-boyfriend. Not that Beyond would even attempt to look for him or simply be in the same place as Light for that to happen.  
  
Because if that happened, what would he say? What would he do? The most logical thing to do when you accidentally run into the person who swore to kill you if they ever see you again is to turn back, pretend nothing happened and go on with your life. That was the perfect course of action. He could do it. Ha! Basic as fuck. Beyond did a lot of running away before from all kinds of thingsㅡhis family, his drug supplier, the truth that he was a lost case, and the constant fear of not being good enough.  
  
Oh, how he missed the rush of fear running through his veins, the kind that lingered in the back of his mind, eating away at him until he broke down and went into hysterics. What was that fear called again? Ah, right. The fear that Light would wake up one day and realize that loving him was a waste of time. And it came! It caught him despite how fast he ran away until his eyes blurred with tears and his lungs burned. Light left. And that was the end of the race for him.  
  
Did he really miss it that muchㅡthe thrill of avoiding the inevitable, that right now, at this very moment, the object of his fears and desires stood frozen in front of him, stupefied from shock?  
  
Beyond barely registered the sound of the convenience store plastic bag dropping on the pavement as he took in the sight before him. Light, his precious Light's eyes roamed up and down his body as though he was in disbelief. Understandable, alright. Who would even want to see him at the same state he was left at two years ago, pathetic and irredeemable?  
  
Light looked good, at least. He always had that air around him. He held himself well.  
  
For a whole minute or two none of them moved from their spot. Beyond couldn't grasp the situation. What was the next course of action again? Oh yeah, he remembered it now! Turn around, but for this actual demonstration, pick up that bag you dropped and sprint the fuck out of that place right away. _Don't stop. Don't look. Don'tㅡ_  
  
"B?"  
  
He was pulled out of trance by that familiar voice. He looked down, realizing he didn't even move an inch from where he stood before mindlessly picking up the bag he dropped when his heart stopped upon seeing the person he thought he would never have the privilege to see again. The experience was like suffering a minor heart attack, and coming back to life. Not that he really knew how it felt. He was really bad at metaphors, okay.  
  
"B,"  
  
Light called again. There was no other way but to face him. Beyond's burgundy eyes reluctantly met amber ones. The amber eyes sparkled, giving him an impression that maybe Light was happy to see him.  
  
_No, no. Stop it. It's an illusion. It's your own wants and wishes projecting on him! Stop it. Stop fooling yourself. He didn't want this. He's going to swear at you again and then remind you of the garbage that you are and how he regrets every second that he spent with you and how he haㅡ_  
  
"Hey, Light! Fancy seeing you here."  
  
At least he didn't stammer like a fool. Beyond mentally gave himself a pat on the back for the effortless pretense.  
  
Light beamed. He fucking _beamed_. Beyond frowned and questioned the reality of the situation. He wasn't dreaming. He wasn't high. Fuck thatㅡhe detoxed a month later when Light broke up with him. He fucking drooled and threw up his insides and violently convulsed and he endured the fatal chills sifting in his bones threw his withdrawal. He was clean, he was free of heroin's imprisonment. He was sober. This was real.  
  
He didn't know how he did it. At first he was walking down the street, ready to lounge in bed and munch those chips through the movie marathon before he fell into another state of hopelessness and the next thing he knew, he invited Light over for some coffee? What the fuck. He didn't even have coffee, for fuck's sake.  
  
Nothing was making sense. Nothing at all. And what was more baffling was Light agreed! Light said _sure, I don't have anything important to do anyway and wow, look at you, I didn't expect to see you_.  
  
_Yeah, look at me. A drop out bussing tables for a minimum wage. Look at you, Light. You have the whole world ahead of you. Why are you following me back home?_  
  
Questions buzzed in his head. The walk back to his apartment was relatively silent. It was unnerving for him. He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him, never to vomit him back into the Earth. He didn't think of this chance upon, okay. He didn't think of this possibility. He long gave up on such even before he could welcome it.

 

  
***

  
  
Light sat himself on the bed and chucked his shoes off, acting awfully familiar. Beyond internally winced. Why on Earth was his ex-boyfriend feeling at home, in this house where Light had walked in on the other injecting his arm. Why. There was a lot of Whys but he couldn't bring them up. Thinking was physically painful.  
  
They talked while watching a movie he couldn't remember the title of. They shared the bag of chips he bought. Light snorted when Beyond confessed he only had root beer and no coffee. They made do with that.  
  
He learned that Light would be graduating this coming Spring. He took Psychology, Beyond remembered. It was like a slap to him, though. Psychology. Light wanted to delve into the processes of the mind and provide professional intervention for those who needed help. It was kind of ironic how he vowed to such practice but failed to help the one who needed it the most.  
  
Beyond wanted to dunk his head in a pool. _Remember, you rejected all of it?_ _That's why he gave up on you, asswipe._ He chastised himself while Light continued to storytell. It appeared that he missed a lot of things throughout those years he was left wondering about the what ifs while Light slowly worked his way into the start of success.  
  
The movie was close to reaching its conclusion. It had been two hours since Light re-entered his life. Beyond longed for more. He knew he didn't have the right. But would it hurt to hope for something for once in his life?  
  
"Ah, it's getting late. I still have a few paperworks to do. Graduating's a pain in the ass. You only wanna leave but they're making it hard for you." Light chuckled at his attempt in livening the atmosphere. Beyond didn't want to embarrass him so he reacted, but barely. At least he got to smile for the first time in two years.  
  
"I'll walk you out, can't afford you getting kidnapped right before your graduation, yeah?"  
  
Light rolled his eyes, fixing his hair. It was still the same cut, covering his forehead as the tips teased his eyes. Beyond had always wondered if it hurt when the strands poked his eyes. Light would dismiss him, saying they never did poke his eyes because he made sure to brush the fringe to the side. And Beyond would admit that it looked good, he looked handsome, before Light would lean in to kiss him silly.  
  
A languid movement broke him out of the flashback. Light was heading out of his room.  
  
He was about to turn off the TV when the remote was swatted out of his hand and Light pushed him to the bed, straddling him and then kissing the life out of him.  
  
Everything was happening too fast. It was honestly a blur to Beyond. The last time he recalled, he was not expecting anything. He had filed away the possibility of meeting Light again. But now he was fucking kissing Light, holding the lithe body in his arms as the man on top of him desperately stole the air from his lungs with that practiced dance of his lips accompanied with his slick tongue and undulating hips.  
  
Fuck, he was so fucking hard.  
  
Beyond threw away the last bits of rationality out the window as he changed their positions. He loomed over Light's pliant body while he swiftly took off his clothes, exposing the toned body he worked hard for after the success of his withdrawal. Light did the same, shredding every piece of clothing that hindered their hot skins from touching.  
  
Featherlight fingertips traced the scars on his arms. Light's eyes raked shamelessly down his body, settling on the painfully ridig length between his legs. He looked _famished_ , to say the least. Beyond had come up with more questions to ask but they vanished into the air once again when he kissed those lips he had incredibly missed. He wouldn't admit it, but he dreamed of Light for several nights after the break up. It was the dreams he held on to since losing the only thing he cared for, but didn't care for enough to keep.  
  
They kissed for what seemed like eternity. The smooth swirl of Light's tongue around his sent him moaning for more, reaching in between them to grab both of their cocks in one hand to stroke their frustrations away. It wasn't too long before Light begged for him to do something when he was already obviously doing something but who was he to deny? Beyond was nothing but an erring human, weak to physical wants. Especially when Light looked at him with half lidded eyes and flushed cheeks. Mm, _God_ , he missed this.  
  
He noisily rummaged through a drawer for a condom and lube. When he found them, he let Light snatch the packet with amusement and roll it on his cock himself. It was goddamn erotic, holding the eye contact as Light dressed his cock before giving a few languid pumps. Beyond coated his fingers with the cold substance and pushed Light down so he could rub his fingers over the puckered rim before slipping two fingers at once.  
  
The body underneath him trembled in exhilaration. Beyond didn't take note of how long he had been fingering Light's tight little ass until the other sobbed, wantonly pushing back to suck his fingers deeper because apparently, they were not enough. They weren't thick enough, long enough, big enough. They weren't insanely good enough.  
  
_God, he looks so delicious like this._ Beyond mused and added extra lube on his cock just to make sure it would be nothing but pleasurable for the brunet.  
  
The slide home was spectacular. Beyond grunted, already panting at the feeling of Light's ass clenching hotly around him, pulling him in. He was balls deep, his jutting hip bones touched the back of Light's thighs as the brunet's legs rested on his shoulders.  
  
He pulled back slowly until the tip was the only part left inside before pushing back inside in the same pace. Wine red eyes drank in the sexiest sight ever. Light was already wrecked; it had never been too hard to please him. Beyond picked up his pace after he was certain that Light was ready to get to the best part, pounding into the warm passage relentlessly as the man beneath him thrashed and grasped for anything to grip. Hands ended up clutching his shoulders when he leaned down to draped himself over Light, showcasing the brunet's flexibility.  
  
"Holy fuck...so fucking tight," He whispered right next to Light's ear, voice gravelly. Kisses littered the tan skin, leaving a few faint marks here and there as he upped his mouth's game with some biting and sucking. It wouldn't be a mindblowing sex with Beyond if there wasn't a little bit of rough play with him indulging Light with bites that drew blood, nothing too deep that his tongue couldn't soothe away quickly.  
  
When he changed the angle of his thrusts Light cried out, blunt nails raking down his back to leave angry lines. "Oh yes... _yes,_ _right there_! Fuck me right there," Beyond granted his ex's wishes, fucking so deep and hard to brush against that bundle of nerves. Light's toes curled in ecstasy, chanting Beyond's name in a series of gibberish murmurs.  
  
This kind of Light was his favorite. He liked sweet Light, sulky Light, clingy Light, excited Light but this was his top pickㅡLight with tears running down his face as Beyond fucked him to oblivion.  
  
His belly tightened at the lewd words spilling from Light's sinful mouth. He didn't want to come first. He was over that phase of thinking of his own pleasure only. Right now, even if this would be the first and last after two years, he would give a damn about Light. There would be nothing more after this...this slip up. Surely, Light wasn't single, was he? He was too attractive for his own good to commit the same mistake and settle for Beyond.  
  
That hurt. The reality fucking hurt.  
  
So he slowed down, ignoring protests. Beyond's lips traipsed the damp skin of Light's chest, trapping a perky nipple. He watched Light throw his head back, whimpering. He had always been sensitive there. Beyond felt smug then, pulling at the hard nub with his teeth before suckling wetly. He did the same to the other nipple, loving it equally, all the while his cock slid in and out of the addicting heat.  
  
"Please, B..."  
  
"You look so pretty like this, Light." He pushed himself up, both hands planted on each side of Light's head to appreciate the man below him. Light was so ethereal, so breahtaking. He almost regretted fucking them up.  
  
And he did.  
  
Light mewled, threading his fingers through Beyond's wild hair to grab a handful of strands, yanking gently. The smile he threw at the undeserving man above him was extremely dazzling. And his next words lit something inside of Beyondㅡand he knew right then and there that he couldn't let Light go. Not again.  
  
"Only for you..."  
  
Everything came crashing into him as he picked up his pace and gave Light what he wanted. Everything fell into place, revisiting forgotten territories and hitting him like a truck. Beyond repositioned Light's legs around his waist before burying his face into the other's neck, holding back an uncharacteristic sob threatening to claw its way out of his throat.  
  
Three words. It took Light three words to reopen the wounds that never healed, to open the dam of emotions that Beyond struggled so hard to lock away. It took Light three words to remind Beyond that he was just a coward but he loved Light; he truly, madly, deeply loved Light to the point he feared not being sufficient, not being deserving, even if it was all twisted. He loved Light even though he failed to show it, he loved Light through the times he poisoned his system with drugs, he loved Light during the times he didn't love himself. He loved Light even though he forgot he did, he loved Light through the tears he shed that heartbreaking night, he loved Light through his own battles, and he loved Light during the nights he remained awake, dwelling on the what ifs, the thoughts of Light finding someone new.  
  
He loved Light, and he felt searing hatred at himself for not loving him right.  
  
Light arched his back, crying out Beyond's name as he spilled his load with a shudder. Beyond followed soon after, not being able to handle the iron grip around his cock. They moved in sync, hips rocking slowly to ride out their orgasms until they were both too spent to raise a finger, with only their chest heaving up and down to catch their breaths.  
  
"ㅡ'm sorry,"  
  
His words were muffled as his face remained buried on Light's neck. Beyond tried so hard not to let it show but his body wracked as hot tears fell and burned Light.  
  
"Sorry, 'm so fucking sorry, Light, I'm so, so fucking sorry..."  
  
Light held him. For the nth time, Light held him through an episode of weakness. Soft hands rubbed up and down his back soothingly, offering some sort of comfort that he easily bought. He made no move to pull out, to push himself off of Light and he was vaguely aware of the brunet possibly feeling crushed under his weight but he didn't severe himself from the only source of calm he had ever known. At least not until the sobs stopped and he wasn't pathetically hiccupping.  
  
"Fuck," Beyond hissed as he finally moved and carefully slid out of Light, rolling on his back next to the other after disposing the condom and tossing it in the bin nearby. "That's so fucking embarrassing." He wiped the tears angrily, not wanting the brunet to see more of his vulnerability. "Who even fucking undergoes an emotional breakdown while balls deep..."  
  
"You."  
  
Beyond laughed, wiping the last droplets of salty tears as he sensed the humor in Light's voice.  
  
Sex afterglow worked wonders on Light. His skin glistened wonderfully, his hair stuck to his face and his eyes twinkled with a myriad of emotions. Beyond allowed himself a little more, reaching out to brush the fringe away from Light's forehead.  
  
"Can I tell you something? You can beat me up after,"  
  
"Go on."  
  
"I love you," Rolling on his side to face Light, Beyond stared at the man before him. His chest was warm and it throbbed painfully. "I still love you. I was wrong and I knew I fuㅡ"  
  
"Shhh." A finger pressed against his lips, preventing him from rambling. Gentleness and longing crossed Light's features, and there was no hint of hatred or anything of that sort when he leaned in to kiss Beyond gently, a shy brush of lips on another. "I forgave you long time ago. And no, don't think too much. I deserve you, you deserve me and I love you too. I never stopped."  
  
"That's so stupid, Light."  
  
"It's not." Light picked up the discarded shirt on the floor to wipe the sticky white mess on his skin before pulling the sheets to cover them up, engaging Beyond in another liplock, pouring in it the things he wished to convey. "It's done; we're not the same people we were back then, okay?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"You're a broken record, aren't you?"  
  
"You sure you're single?"  
  
"There's just you, dumbass..."  
  
Beyond didn't think of possibilities after the break up. Nothing, especially not the scene where he held Light in his arms and listened to his stable breathing as he succumbed to sleep. He didn't think it was possible but here he was, arms wrapped around Light, lips pressing kisses on the man's crown.  
  
But it was fine. Not expecting anything was perfectly fine. Because the fruit of the unexpected was totally worth it, and he knew how to cherish it this time. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
